Love Truth, and Honesty
by The Writers Hangout
Summary: Tom and Sasha know what they want, but before they can have the love, they need a little honesty first
1. Chapter 1

Sasha stood at the prow of the Nathan James, staring into the rough seas of the North Atlantic Ocean. Dark clouds above threatened the worst, while the wind whipped at her hair and chilled her skin. Sasha gripped the railing for balance as the ship dipped and crashed into waves, lost in her thoughts, she barely noticed the cold.

Since Tom returned, she knew he had wanted to speak to her alone, but for reasons she couldn't fathom, he'd yet to approach her. She had kept her distance as she hadn't wanted to compromise the mission by bringing their relationship into it, but now the mission was over, Tom still hadn't said anything.

"Damn, will you look at those Icebergs, it's a wonder Slattery hasn't cranked up the 5 inch for 'em!" Tom's voice broke into her musings, causing her to smile at the silliness of the remark given the icebergs were just baby sized; certainly not a true threat for the Nathan James.

"Isn't that what we have you for…Hercules" Sasha drawled in light mocking but playful manner, she chuckled as she turned to face him, not missing the way her whole being sang at the sight of him.

She watched as he ducked his head, before smiling up at her boyishly – and her heart skipped a beat as he did so.

 _Damn him, why does he have to be so handsome, charming, smart…. everything I ever want? Even after all the pain you caused me, I still want you…_ Sasha thought to herself, all these years and how she felt for him never lessened; it only grew and deepened.

"I walked into that one, didn't I?" Tom laughed, glad to have broken the ice. At least Sasha was smiling, he knew from experience what a wicked right hook she had.

"Yeah you did, Tom," she replied, holding his gaze. "But to me, you're more of an Odysseus, the wanderer."

"So, what, that makes you my Penelope?" Tom quipped back, enjoying the flash in her sapphire blue eyes as she scoffed at him at his assumption.

"Try Pallas Athena, Sailor, you're lucky it was Mike in that ring." Sasha fired back at him, raising her chin to look him straight in the eyes.

"Probably about right, as you're always pulling my ass out of the fire-" Tom shot back but before he could finish what he was about to say, she cut him off.

"Damn right." She said cockily, before her expression grew serious. "But…. _why Tom?_ Why did you just drop off the face of the earth like that? Not a damn word for 16 months! _WHY?"_ Sasha burst out, her emotions getting the better of her. The sight, not to mention the sound, of pain and anguish in her voice, mirrored in her beautiful face caused Tom's heart to shatter.

For a moment he looked away, gathering his thoughts – he owed her the truth, she'd welcomed him back into the fold with the crew and held onto her anguish, waiting until now. He also knew if he had any hope of winning her back, Tom knew he had to come clean.

"I had to leave Sasha; it had _nothing to do with us or you_! It was me, I'd lost so many people, lost because of decisions _I_ made, I just couldn't handle it anymore" he paused for breath as the words rushed out, he felt it was a jumbled mess but there was no other way of putting it. "The only thing I could think to do was leave, before I was swallowed up by my pain and grief" he told her, he looked out to the ocean too afraid to see her reaction. He wasn't even finished in his confession.

Sasha reached out and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently, offering silent support as he continued.

"I left because I knew if I stayed, I'd drag everyone…you… down with me, the man I was becoming back then…. I didn't want to be him" Tom finished, feeling the dark thoughts that had plagued him so badly he'd run from everything and everyone he'd held so dear- creep back into the forefront of his mind.

He felt that same anxious feeling settle into his bones. The one that told him to run as far and as fast as he could. But he'd learnt that he could not outrun his demons, he had to face them and the truth. He needed to voice it out loud and ease the burden he had been carrying for over a year.

"Tom, why didn't you tell me?" Sasha asked, her heart aching at the thought the pain he had to have been in. Tom looked to her, wondering whether or not to tell her the last part, the one that had sent him running halfway across the world to escape.

"Come on Sash, you saw it, you knew if I didn't walk away when I did, then I'd have eventually eaten my sidearm." Tom told her, Sasha would want the whole truth, warts and all. The surreal part was that she didn't argue, he'd expected her to at least pretend it hadn't crossed her mind, to make some argument that it wasn't in him, to look shocked by his confession.

But she didn't, she silently acknowledged and agreed with him. Sasha's silent agreement shocked Tom, as he expected her to tell him he was stronger than that. That it wasn't in his DNA to give up. But neither of them was foolish enough to think that either of them would be completely immune or never hit a level of desperation that would lead them to considering suicide - everyone had their limit.

Sasha looked down at their hands in deep thought, interlacing their fingers, as she brushed her thumb back and forth over his knuckle.

"I want to say it would never have come to that." Sasha told him, it was easy to say in hindsight. But part of her had questioned if the scenario had played out as they'd just described, could she have talked him out of it?

"But I can't, I think it's why I didn't push you to stay." She confessed quietly.

"You were pretty forceful in trying to get me to stay." Tom said, a small smile played on his lips as he recalled her ordering him to put on his uniform. Sasha seemed to recall the same memory.

"I needed you then, just as I need you now." Sasha added as she unwittingly leaning closer to him, their lips just inches apart.

"Something that never changed for me either," Tom said, he was about to kiss her when a flash of lightening blinded them.

The rumble of thunder sounded. They both remembered where they were standing and leaned back; pretending for a moment that they hadn't just been about to kiss in plain view of the bridge crew and sailors on watch.

"We should go inside before it starts raining." Tom told her, his eyes locking with hers as there was no mistaking where this was leading. The desire he saw in Sasha's eyes was incredible and Tom knew that he was looking right back at her in exactly the same way.

"My quarters or yours?" Sasha replied softly, stroking the back of his hand the way she used to do all those years ago, and it still turned him on if the glow of desire in his eyes was anything to go by.

"Yours...they're closer," Tom whispered in her ear, dropping a quick kiss on her neck, knowing it was one of her sensitive spots.

Suddenly, the heavens opened as the storm that had been threatening for days began in earnest, sending them scurrying for the safety of the deckhouse. Both slowed their pace as they walked down the p-ways, not wanting to give themselves away in their haste. Fortunately for them, the crew were far too busy securing the ship against the storm that was beginning to rage to notice either of them, especially given they were passengers at this point in the journey. Mike and Meylan held down the ship and its crew that they didn't require Tom in his advisory role for such a storm. If they did, they would call, Tom hoped they didn't.

No sooner had the door closed behind them when Tom tumbled Sasha onto her bed and fastened his mouth to hers, savouring the taste of her mouth, and the feel of her body pressed against his. Sasha was by no means passive, her tongue meeting Tom's in a sensual dance as she made love to him with her mouth, moaning loudly. Suddenly a voice pierced their sensual haze, causing them to spring apart, trying to look cool and casual as if they just hadn't been caught kissing.

"Don't let me interrupt you, I just came for a sweater," Azima said, quirking an eyebrow in an amused yet suggestive manner, "you both look a little...damp... perhaps you should remove your clothes and share body heat, it's a much better way to get warm, if you know what I mean." She drawled suggestively, her innuendo was not lost on them.

Grabbing a thick sweater from the end of the bed, not caring whose it was, Sasha threw it at her friend, causing the Kenyan woman to laugh aloud.

"Yes, thank you Azima, you can go now!" Sasha snapped, pushing Azima out of the cabin with a muttered comment about keeping what she'd seen quiet.

"God! It's like being back in a college dorm, complete with irritating room-mates! Knowing my luck, she'll be back in three minutes looking for a show." Sasha grumbled, shooting a dirty look at Tom, who was chuckling quietly. He wasn't apologetic at all, instead he pulled her into his lap and stroked his hand through her hair, brushing the strands behind her ear.

"We could try my quarters." He suggested.

"What about your kids?" she asked him as she toyed with the collar of his jacket. She really felt like they had lost the magic of moment. Reality was sinking in with all the reason they should just take a breather and wait until they hit dry land. Then there were also Tom's kids who were probably freaking out and needing their father.

"I should probably check on them." He murmured, with a thoughtful expression, Sasha gave him an incredulous look and playfully punched his shoulder. "What?" He chuckled.

"They are probably terrified." She told him, the ship was lock down and rocking rolling violently in the storm.

"Then come with me. We'll see if they are in my quarters and go from there." He suggested.

Sasha nodded, she loved this side of him, the loving father – she'd often wondered if they hadn't been driven apart all those years ago what their children would've looked like? She realised too that she still wanted those hypothetical children, Tom's children – the thought made her smile at him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Tom smiled back at her, wondering what had made her smile like that.

"Children – our children." Sasha responded, her heart skipping a beat at stating the idea of children before him and wondering what his reply would be.

"You want children?" Tom asked, not realising until now just how much he wanted her to say yes. She ducked her head, blushing lightly as she was so used to such a topic being a make or break. It was also a conversation people usually left until they were firmly in a relationship, not when they were about to rekindle it.

"Not right away, but yes, I do." She said softly, reaching out to squeeze his hand gently. She hoped he felt the same as he did or at least open to the idea.

"I do too" he pulled her close and interlaced their fingers, "and making them is half the fun." Tom drawled with a sly smile, loving the sound of her laughter echoing through the cabin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Love, Truth, and Honesty – chapter 2**

A couple minutes later,

"We must be in the eye of the storm." Tom informed Sasha as they walked into his quarters. The rocking of the ship had quietened but the sound of thunder rumbled through the ship in a deafening fashion. But the red light was still flashing in the hallways denoting the ship was still in lockdown for the storm.

"Your kids are AWOL." Sasha told him in amusement as the small space was a mess thanks to the storm. But there were no other occupants.

"I'll make some calls." Tom said.

"I'll clean up." Sasha said as she didn't want idle hands.

"You don't- "Tom started, Sasha silenced him with a quick kiss.

"Find your kids, I can fold a few blankets." She told him, Tom gave a nod as he went to the phone on the wall.

She pottered around the room, tidying up and securing what items she could as Tom used the intercom. Luckily it only took two phone calls and the kids were found. Sasha finished in her task, smiled as she leaned against the wall watching Tom talk.

Thunder rumbled and the rocking motion of the ship came back as the ship pitched forward. She had to readjust her footing to change in gravity. Tom rolled his eyes and mouthed 'Miller' pretending it was a drag to talk to the young man when it was quite the opposite.

"Miller, remember they are not to wander around the ship unescorted." Tom said into the phone, laying down the law for Miller; his newly conscripted babysitter for the kids.

After a couple minutes of giving orders to ensure they wouldn't be interrupted unless there was an absolute emergency like someone dying or missing a digit; Tom hung up the phone receiver and turned to Sasha.

"They are watching 'The Perfect Storm' in the crew lounge. They didn't appreciate my phone call ruining the atmosphere." He said looking oddly confused as he wondered what the hell that meant.

"Fairly apt choice and certainly better than Poseidon." Sasha offered.

"Apparently, it's next on the list so we have at least two hours of uninterrupted time. Which makes me think we should really do something about these wet clothes?" He said moving towards her but before he could really get his arms around her. She stopped him and kept him at arm's length; much to his amusement.

"My clothes are dry. So, don't even think about it." She warned him. Sasha had changed quickly in her quarters after Azima left as she was not going to be seen wearing wet clothing whilst walking from her quarters to his.

Tom grinned as he would normally let her keep that one luxury but not today. He learnt as a Father and a Captain; he had to utilise his time well and he had an hour or so before the kids came looking for him. He grabbed Sasha into his arms. He pulled her hard against him and covered her mouth in a blistering kiss. No test kisses, just the kill. She could taste his desperation and it matched her own.

"You're making me wet," Sasha told him, her voice hoarse with desire as she looked into his hot eyes.

"That's the idea, Darling," Tom replied, before he covered her mouth with his again, moving over her lips with passionate need.

He licked open her lips and invaded her mouth and she welcomed him. Her arm slid around his neck; holding him close, the earlier concerns of wet clothes evaporated as all she wanted was him.

His hands slid down her back to her butt, cupping her and pulling her harder against him. He devoured her mouth and she not only cooperated, she met his fever with her own as they moved to the bed.

"Better than I ever dreamed," he said softly as they came up for air.

"This is just the preview." She replied with a chuckle, Tom gave a sly smile.

"I'm looking forward to the main show. I know I have protection, somewhere around here," he promised her as he was trying to stay focussed but it was hard with Sasha in his arms.

And so did she. She'd been on the birth control shot since she could remember. The only time she had lapsed was during the height of the pandemic. But she was up to date now.

"I'm covered, I have the shot." She said, not wanting to play 'hunt for the condom'. She just wanted him to make love to her now. "I'm clean." She assured him.

"Me too." Tom told her.

She met his lips again, running her fingers through his short hair, kissing him deeply and with promise. "Then make love to me, Tom," she whispered against his lips. And he lifted her into his arms and laid her on the bed.

Sasha watched his eyes as he opened her shirt and spread it. She wore an ordinary white cotton bra that she'd had a long time and he let out his breath in a sigh, running his fingers over it gently as if it were fine French lace.

"My god," he said in admiration, he felt the odd pleasurable mix of past and present come together.

Sasha was still the same woman he had fallen in love with all those years ago. Yet she was different, she had evolved; she was stronger, more vital and her confidence was more like a second skin than a mask to prove her worth. She was just breathtakingly beautiful.

He moved his finger and found the latch to her bra, undoing it with ease and setting her perfect breasts free. "Beautiful," he murmured, before his lips went to work on her neck, chest, breasts.

She tilted her head back, eyes closed. The calluses on his hands were rough, but he handled her so carefully that the lightest touch was sensuous. Although he'd shaved that morning, his cheeks and chin were covered in stubble, and she loved the contrast between the scratch of his chin and the slide of his tongue. His lips were soft and perfect on her. She held his head in her hands, relishing the sensations coursing through her.

"Feels so good." She told him.

"That's the idea darling," Tom drawled as he sat back on his heels between her legs and pulled his BDU jacket off and yanked his t-shirt roughly out of his pants.

One hand reached behind his neck to grab a fistful of t-shirt and ripped it over his head. His haste made her chuckle softly. But then she grew serious as her fingers sought out the tattoo that carried so much meaning. The swooping sparrow on his shoulder - she remembered the last time she had seen it, so many years ago.

"You still have it?" she asked, surprised that he'd kept it all these years. She smoothed her fingers over the tattoo; exactly where her name had been etched cleverly into the feathers. Only someone who was intent on studying it closely would see it.

"Yeah," he said, whispering against her neck. "Couldn't let it go-you know…" he murmured distractedly, not able to get the words out as he was so focused on her.

"You know?" she asked him, teasing as Tom was usually more verbose.

"Later," he said, his hand cupping her breast, taking in a nipple into his mouth and making her gasp. While he worked that nipple, his hands found the snap on her jeans and slid them down only to find they were caught on her boots.

"You should plan better," she teased.

"I can't think with you, I want you so bad," he said.

He sat back again and took care of those boots and jeans, tossing them away. This left him looking at her tiny, white bikini panties. He growled at the sight. Then he dove for the panties, his mouth on them, his hands on her hips, causing her to gasp and her hips rose naturally. He laughed low in his throat and he pulled at her briefs, slipping them down until she was free and he went after her again, lifting her to his mouth, tasting her the way he'd wanted to do for so long. It didn't take long for her to climax, the second his tongue tormented her, she was gone. Tom watched as Sasha's body shook with release, he loved watching her come like that – he always had.

On her neck again, he whispered, "You're so fucking hot."

"You have to eventually get rid of the pants, and catch up," she breathlessly told him.

"Pants," Tom said, he sat up to divest himself of all his remaining clothes.

Quickly, Sasha did the same, wanting desperately to feel skin against skin, feel him buried deep inside her, filling her. The cabin lights showed her clearly how hard and muscular he'd become working aboard a fishing trawler for the last year and a half.

Sasha reached up and tugged him gently onto the bed, running her hands slowly over his shoulder, chest, stomach, finally caressing that part of his body that was begging for her touch. Instead of using her hands, she drew him into her mouth, suckling his straining erection with excruciating thoroughness Tom thought he'd die of sheer pleasure. He could no more stop the groans of pleasure she coaxed out of him than he could stop breathing – god the woman's talents knew no boundaries!

"Sasha…dear god…Sasha, Sasha!" Tom chanted her name like a prayer, almost mindless with want of her.

Sasha grinned like the Cheshire Cat as she watched Tom come close to his own release, knowing she was responsible for this loss of control. She rose quickly and positioned his turgid shaft at her entrance, rubbing herself against him, waiting for him to notice her new position. His eyes popped open, blue meeting blue as he watched her lower herself onto his erection, feeling her silken walls closing around him – he'd never seen a more beautiful sight than the view before him as she rode him hard.

Tom reached between her legs, his fingers finding her clit, stroked it gently as he watched her head tip back, moaning loudly as they pleasured each other. Sasha could feel her second climax approaching but its force took her by surprise, rippling down her spine like an electrical charge, causing her to scream with pleasure. Seconds later, Tom felt his own release course through his body, his cries of release mingling with hers.

Fortunately for them, the noise generated by the dying storm masked their cries of passion. Sasha collapsed into his arms, panting softly as she came down from her high, snuggling into his arms as he withdrew from her body. He'd forgotten this, how Sasha loved to cuddle after sex, how much he enjoyed holding her. The fact she let him see her so vulnerable – the trust was humbling, and he swore to himself, this time he _would_ be worthy of her.

"I love you Sasha – I want this, you…forever." Tom told her, his tone ringing with sincerity.

Sasha looked down at him, smiling mistily, despite the heartache she'd wanted to hear those words so very much.

"Love you too, my Odysseus, so very much," she whispered, kissing him tenderly.

"Tom," he corrected as he returned the kiss, caressing her face.

" _My Tom,_ " Sasha whispered back, burying her face in his neck again, savouring the words and the afterglow.

Whatever Tom might have said in reply was interrupted by a loud banging on the cabin door. Both Tom and Sasha jumped out the bed and haphazardly pulled on their clothes while leaning against the walls for support as the ship dipped. They paused at the sound of Mike's low-pitched growl, just audible over the howls of the storm. He must have lost his footing as soft thud sounded, followed by a muffled curse.

"If you two want to eat tonight, I'd get yourselves down to the mess deck ASAP, Bacon doesn't do room service!" Mike called through the door. He chucked softly as he walked back down the p-way to the bridge but remembered to hold one hand out to the wall as the seas had yet to quieten down.

It was Master Chief Jeter who'd noticed both Sasha and Chandler were missing from the bridge – something that was unlike either of them when there was an emergency.

Strictly speaking, they weren't on duty and the crew of the James knew their jobs when it came to securing the ship during a storm, they'd weathered several on their way over the previous year, but the absence of two of the most senior members of the crew had been noticed nonetheless

Recalling he'd seen them on deck earlier, just as the storm had begun to break _and_ what they'd been up to, Mike had left the bridge in Meylan's capable hands and gone looking for them. Mike had a pretty good idea where they'd be and while he didn't really want confirmation, as a friend, he would prefer to be the one to find them, preferably before someone else, not to mention ship's scuttlebutt, did.

Tom and Sasha looked at one another, listening for any sign that Mike was still outside the door. But all they were met with was the howling of the storm that was slowly dying out.

"Think he's gone?" Sasha whispered.

"I hope so." Tom said, as they took in one another's state. Sasha had her pants on but her shirt misbuttoned, while Tom only managed to get his t-shirt on inside out. They both burst into laughter at their bungled effort.

"I feel like a teenager getting busted with his girl by Dad!" Tom groaned, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Sasha grinned back at him, giggling happily. They pulled off their clothes and started again because as much as they wanted to stay in bed; they needed food and with the storm dying down- Tom would want to check on his kids.

"Am I your girl now then, Tom?" She asked, smiling coyly. Tom pulled on his pants and did the zip and belt up before he walked to her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her slow and deep, before resting his forehead against hers for a moment.

"Always, and Forever." Tom promised her in a low voice laden with emotion.

"Forever," Sasha replied softly, she loved the sound of 'forever'. It gave her a sense of peace, with a happiness she'd not felt in a very long-time seep into her soul.


End file.
